The Weight of Being Eldest

Being the eldest son in a family of four children, I’ve always known that my life would be one of responsibility. I had to grow up faster than most, molded by the firm hands of our parents, Steven Sape and Fiona Hosa. They were disciplinarians to the core—uncompromising, demanding nothing less than excellence. It was as if they were shaping me into an anchor for my younger siblings, ensuring I would be ready to hold the family together when the storms came.  

I watched my siblings grow up under much more flexible conditions than I had. Chloe, the second-born, had a gentle spirit and a knack for creative thinking. Emily Rose, the third, was headstrong but full of warmth and charm, while Shane Saleng, the baby of the family, carried an easygoing demeanor that made him everyone’s favorite. They had it easy compared to me. I was shaped by rules, discipline, and sacrifice.  

When Mum and Dad passed on, I wasn’t surprised by the weight that settled on my shoulders—it was the role I had been prepared for. I became not just their older brother but their parent, their guide, and their protector.  

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Sacrifices Without Acknowledgment**  

One of the hardest parts of this journey has been the loneliness. I gave up relationships and the possibility of marriage to focus on my siblings’ futures. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly; it was one born out of necessity. A girlfriend, or even the idea of a partner, felt like a luxury I couldn’t afford.  

And yet, there were nights when I longed for companionship, for someone to share my burdens with. Watching others in happy relationships stung more than I wanted to admit. I often struggled to fit into those settings, where love and laughter seemed effortless. The void gnawed at me, but I pushed it aside. My duty was bigger than my desires.  

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**Understanding and Guiding**  

Each of my siblings is unique, not just within our family but even in how they stand out in our extended family. Chloe’s empathetic nature makes her the emotional glue. Emily Rose’s fiery independence makes her the spark that keeps us moving forward. Shane, with his calm and carefree attitude, reminds us to find joy even in difficult times.  

I've made it my mission to understand them deeply, to nurture their individuality while reminding them of the strength we have as a unit. I am tough on them, but it comes from a place of love. I know that the world is unforgiving, and I don’t want them to face the harshness unprepared.  

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**Keeping Poverty at Bay**  

One thing is clear in my mind: **poverty will not touch us**. I’ve set boundaries for them—no moving away, no teenage pregnancies, no shortcuts to life’s challenges. Respect and patience are my tools of parenting. Every Sunday, we attend North Waigani United Church, our spiritual anchor. I push them to stay connected to God, knowing that faith has been our greatest strength.  

I’ve taken on the role of protocol assigner, setting rules and expectations for the household. These rules aren’t about control; they’re about protection and empowerment. My siblings will rise above mediocrity. They will be disciplined, respectful, and successful.  

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**Respect Above All Else**  

My moral code is simple but powerful: respect. Respect for oneself, for others, and for the sacrifices we’ve made as a family. I’ve drilled this into my siblings, knowing that respect will guide them in making the right choices. Discipline underpins it all. Without discipline, respect falters.  

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**A Lesson in Leadership**  

One night, as I sat with my siblings at the dinner table, I shared with them the story of our parents, their sacrifices, and my journey as their eldest brother. I told them how every tough decision I’ve made was for them, so they could live a life of dignity and purpose.  

Chloe looked at me with tears in her eyes, Emily Rose nodded in quiet agreement, and Shane gave me a rare, serious look. “You’ve done more for us than anyone else ever could,” Chloe said softly.  

In that moment, I realized that my sacrifices, my struggles, and my loneliness weren’t in vain. I wasn’t just leading a family—I was shaping a legacy.  

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 **The Point of It All**  

Being the eldest son isn’t just a role—it’s a calling. It’s about making sacrifices that others may never fully understand. It’s about nurturing individuality while building unity. It’s about ensuring that no matter what, the family stands strong.  

As I looked at my siblings that night, I knew this: **respect, discipline, and love will take us far.** And as long as I’m here, they’ll never walk this journey alone.

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